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WANDA: Previously on WandaVision...
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WANDA: We are an
unusual couple, ya know?
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My wife and her flying saucers.
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My husband and his indestructible head.
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Hello, dear. I'm Agnes,
your neighbor to the right.
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NORM: You're like a walking computer.
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What? I most certainly am not.
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VISION: Dinner with Mr. Hart and
his dear lady wife, Mrs. Hart.
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MRS. HART: What brought you here?
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- How long have you been married?
- ARTHUR: Why did you come here?
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Damn it, why?
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- MRS. HART: Stop it. Stop it.
- (CHOKING)
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Vision, help him.
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- Synced and corrected by Firefly -
- www.addic7ed.com -
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- (THUDDING)
- (GASPS)
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- What was that?
- (THUDDING CONTINUES)
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Wanda?
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Yes, dear?
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Are you using your powers
to turn on the light?
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- (THUDDING)
- Yes, dear.
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Allow me, sweetheart.
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WANDA: What do you see?
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Only your lovely rose bushes.
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That's all?
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Are you using your night vision, Vision?
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I assure you, my love,
I see nothing amiss.
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You have absolutely no reason
to be frightened... (YELPS)
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You were saying?
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Actually, I did overhear
a couple of lads at work
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remarking on a few unsavory characters
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settling in the neighborhood.
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Now, who knows what those
ne'er-do-wells might be up to?
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Robbing houses, vandalizing property.
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Walking through walls, moving
objects without touching them.
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Wanda, darling, you can't be suggesting
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my colleagues were referring to us.
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- (THUD)
- (WANDA GASPS)
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One of us should really determine
the source of that sound.
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Yes, one of us should.
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- (THUD)
- (BOTH GASP)
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Oh, this is getting ridiculous.
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I'm going to take a look.
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- Oh, God! Darling!
- (THUD)
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(THUDDING)
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Well, I think we handled that well.
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Yes, I must say I'm
rather proud of myself.
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And look how you seized on
the opportunity to redecorate.
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- This is better, isn't it?
- Mmm.
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Wanda, darling?
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Yes, dear?
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Get the light.
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(OPENING THEME MUSIC PLAYING)
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WandaVision!
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WandaVision!
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♪ WandaVision, Wa-WandaVision ♪
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♪ WandaVision, Wa-WandaVision ♪
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♪ WandaVision, Wa-WandaVision ♪
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WandaVision!
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Ladies and gentlemen,
for my final trick,
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I bring you the Cabinet of Mysteries.
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00:04:07,786 --> 00:04:09,125
Darling, that's your cue.
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WANDA: Did you say,
"Cabinet of Mysteries?"
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I said, "The Cabinet of Mysteries".
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WANDA: Oh, that's my cue. Ooh!
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Holy Toledo!
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Darling, do all the other
acts in the talent show
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have such elaborate props?
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Are you kidding?
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00:04:27,598 --> 00:04:29,264
Fred and Linda are building a moat
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and a fully-functioning portcullis
and no one even knows why.
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Let's keep going.
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Yes, yes. Where was I? Um...
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Watch closely as I, Illusion,
Master of Enigma,
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make my captivating assistant,
Glamour, disappear.
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(WANDA GASPS)
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You really are very dashing.
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Mmm, thank you, darling.
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Fear not, Glamour.
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For I, Illusion, vow to bring
you back exactly as you are.
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(SHUDDERS)
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Abracadabra!
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Ta-ta...
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Yes, um, Wanda, you're
not at all worried
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00:05:12,837 --> 00:05:16,770
that the audience might just
see through this little charade?
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Well, that's the whole point.
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In a real magic act, everything is fake.
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Darling, the talent show fundraiser
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is the most important
event of the season
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and it's our neighborly
duty to participate.
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Plus, it's our chance to appear
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as normal as possible while doing so.
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Well, I don't think that
should be a problem.
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This is our home now.
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I want us to fit in. (CHUCKLES SOFTLY)
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Oh, darling, we do. We shall.
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And we're gonna knock their socks off,
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especially with you wearing this.
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Oh, that's actually the
rest of your costume.
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Oh!
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Well, I better get going
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if I'm gonna make the
planning committee meeting.
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That's me off as well, actually.
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There's a gathering of
the neighborhood watch
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at the public library.
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And after last night's excitement,
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I want to make sure this
town's security is up to snuff.
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That's a swell idea.
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You tell those tree branches who's boss.
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Would you look at us?
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Wanda and Vision,
Westview fitter-inners.
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(CHUCKLING)
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I'll see you at curtain call.
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(THUDDING)
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Look, it's the star o'
the show. (CHUCKLES)
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Agnes.
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I'm sorry. What did you say?
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Oh, I brought my pet rabbit.
For your magic act.
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Yes, of course! Thank you, Agnes.
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We will take good care of him.
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Señor Scratchy just loves the stage.
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He played baby Jesus in last
year's Christmas pageant.
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Oh.
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Oh, morning, Dennis.
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Morning, Agnes.
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Stick 'em up.
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Don't shoot. I'm just a messenger.
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(CHUCKLING) Pew-pew!
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Mmm.
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- Shall we?
- Oh, we shall.
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So, are you ready to meet
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Queen Cul de Sac and
her Merry Homemakers?
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(CHUCKLES) Agnes, Dottie
can't be as bad as you say.
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Hmm, well, you'll notice her roses
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bloom under penalty of death.
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(SCOFFS)
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Wanda, can I give you
a bit of friendly advice?
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Is it about the way how I'm dressed?
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Yes, but it's too late for that.
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Dottie is the key to
everything in this town.
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Country club memberships,
parties, school admissions...
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Well, let's not get ahead
of ourselves. (CHUCKLES)
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You get in with Dottie
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and it'll be smooth
sailing from here on out.
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Just mind your P's and Q's
and you're gonna do just fine.
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Or maybe I could just
be myself? More or less?
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(LAUGHING)
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Oh, Wanda, that's good.
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- (CHUCKLES NERVOUSLY)
- (LAUGHING)
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Everybody, hurry up please.
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Hiya, Dottie! Your roses are divine.
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Well, thank you.
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- (SIGHS)
- (EXHALES)
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The Rotary Club is finishing
the stage set-up as we speak.
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They've given the gazebo
a fresh coat of paint
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and will be installing
the final decorations
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all through the town square.
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And if you recognize
the antique footlights,
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it's because they're from my store.
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00:09:49,928 --> 00:09:51,428
And the chairs?
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I'm sorry, Dottie. I didn't
ask about the chairs.
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So you better not ask me
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if you can chair any
committees in the future.
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00:10:01,060 --> 00:10:04,516
(WOMEN LAUGHING)
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The devil's in the details, Bev.
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That's not the only place he is.
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00:10:08,981 --> 00:10:11,189
DOTTIE: As you all know, the talent show
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is the sole fundraiser
for Westview Elementary.
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This might help.
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DOTTIE: In the eight years
since I founded our little club,
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00:10:17,948 --> 00:10:21,283
this event has gotten bigger
and better every season.
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Say, those pants are peachy keen.
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00:10:24,163 --> 00:10:25,787
Do you really think so?
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00:10:25,789 --> 00:10:28,024
The other ladies are in
skirts. I was worried.
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00:10:28,026 --> 00:10:30,208
We only have a few
hours until show time,
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00:10:30,210 --> 00:10:33,380
so a little less cross chatter
and a little more focus.
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00:10:34,131 --> 00:10:35,464
Okay.
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00:10:35,466 --> 00:10:38,508
DOTTIE: Those little boys
and girls are counting on us.
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00:10:38,510 --> 00:10:41,386
All of this is for the children.
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00:10:41,388 --> 00:10:42,928
WOMEN: "For the children".
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00:10:43,849 --> 00:10:45,349
"For the children".
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00:10:47,644 --> 00:10:48,727
(CLEARS THROAT)
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00:10:48,729 --> 00:10:52,979
So, I want you all to give
yourselves a big hand...
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00:10:55,486 --> 00:10:58,487
... at the appropriate time, of course.
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But first let's review event etiquette.
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Dress code is upscale garden party...
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00:11:04,995 --> 00:11:08,163
The only reason I didn't clap
is because I'm afraid to move.
187
00:11:08,165 --> 00:11:09,831
Yeah.
188
00:11:09,833 --> 00:11:11,666
I actually don't know
what I'm doing here.
189
00:11:11,668 --> 00:11:14,961
I'm starting to feel that
way myself. I'm Wanda.
190
00:11:14,963 --> 00:11:19,299
- I'm, uh... Geraldine.
- Hi.
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00:11:19,301 --> 00:11:21,261
And I'm irritated.
192
00:11:23,972 --> 00:11:27,140
Tickets for tonight are
completely sold out.
193
00:11:27,142 --> 00:11:28,982
Now, you can clap.
194
00:11:30,729 --> 00:11:32,229
And stop.
195
00:11:33,398 --> 00:11:36,318
Really, how is anybody doing this sober?
196
00:11:46,870 --> 00:11:48,286
- Let's say green.
- NORM: Yeah.
197
00:11:48,288 --> 00:11:50,121
I mean, the other side could be dirt.
198
00:11:50,123 --> 00:11:52,833
Pardon me. Is this the
neighborhood watch meeting?
199
00:11:53,919 --> 00:11:56,461
NORM: Oh, hiya, Vision.
200
00:11:56,463 --> 00:11:58,503
Didn't expect to see you here.
201
00:11:59,800 --> 00:12:03,802
This is sort of a
"members only" type deal.
202
00:12:03,804 --> 00:12:06,594
Ah! Certainly. Right. Well...
203
00:12:07,349 --> 00:12:09,891
I'll just stay here and be
as quiet as a church mouse
204
00:12:09,893 --> 00:12:12,686
till you open up the
floor for new business.
205
00:12:12,688 --> 00:12:15,188
Well, in truth, we were
just getting to new business.
206
00:12:15,190 --> 00:12:16,195
Oh, splendid!
207
00:12:16,197 --> 00:12:18,533
Could you tell me how often
you rotate security patrols?
208
00:12:18,535 --> 00:12:20,735
Do you interface directly
with local law enforcement?
209
00:12:20,737 --> 00:12:23,071
What are your protocols for
threats such as burglary,
210
00:12:23,073 --> 00:12:24,489
graffiti, and reckless driving?
211
00:12:24,491 --> 00:12:27,576
- No, Vision.
- I know these are indeed grave matters.
212
00:12:27,578 --> 00:12:31,705
"New business" actually
means another round of Danish.
213
00:12:31,707 --> 00:12:34,583
Raspberry or cheese-filled?
214
00:12:34,585 --> 00:12:37,115
Oh, neither for me, thank
you. I don't eat food.
215
00:12:42,909 --> 00:12:44,640
What I mean to say
is that I don't eat food
216
00:12:44,642 --> 00:12:47,804
in between meals but at mealtimes.
217
00:12:47,806 --> 00:12:49,546
I'm a regular eating machine.
218
00:12:50,684 --> 00:12:51,684
(CHUCKLES SOFTLY)
219
00:12:52,853 --> 00:12:55,353
Hey, fellas. Vision
here has got a point.
220
00:12:55,355 --> 00:12:59,316
Now, listen up. I got some top
secret intelligence for you.
221
00:12:59,318 --> 00:13:00,358
Oh, excellent.
222
00:13:01,111 --> 00:13:03,144
Now, you know how
Johnson's been braggin'
223
00:13:03,146 --> 00:13:04,922
about that treehouse
he built for his kids?
224
00:13:04,924 --> 00:13:06,698
Yeah.
225
00:13:06,700 --> 00:13:08,116
It's a prefab job.
226
00:13:08,118 --> 00:13:09,326
(ALL SCOFFING)
227
00:13:09,328 --> 00:13:11,618
That blockhead can't
even swing a hammer.
228
00:13:12,498 --> 00:13:13,663
I can do you one better.
229
00:13:13,665 --> 00:13:16,285
You know those bowling trophies
Arthur's always polishing?
230
00:13:17,461 --> 00:13:20,378
He bought 'em all at a
yard sale in Hackensack.
231
00:13:20,380 --> 00:13:23,300
I knew it. I've never once
seen him down at the lanes.
232
00:13:25,093 --> 00:13:28,423
I too have some top
secret gossip to share.
233
00:13:31,677 --> 00:13:33,007
Norm here's a Communist.
234
00:13:36,230 --> 00:13:37,900
(ALL LAUGHING)
235
00:13:43,503 --> 00:13:45,195
Vision, you're a real cut-up.
236
00:13:45,197 --> 00:13:47,572
You know, I always thought
you were kind of a square.
237
00:13:47,574 --> 00:13:51,117
- Me? No, I'm as round as they come.
- (ALL LAUGHING)
238
00:13:51,119 --> 00:13:54,333
Hey, care for a stick o' Big Red?
239
00:13:54,335 --> 00:13:56,086
Well, hold on there a second.
240
00:13:56,088 --> 00:13:58,051
Didn't you hear the man?
He doesn't eat food.
241
00:13:58,053 --> 00:13:59,678
Is gum food?
242
00:13:59,680 --> 00:14:02,610
Well, my understanding is that
it's purely for mastication.
243
00:14:03,757 --> 00:14:04,927
No, I don't do that.
244
00:14:05,717 --> 00:14:08,847
Well, when in Westview... Cheers.
245
00:14:10,222 --> 00:14:12,146
Who knew you were such a funny guy?
246
00:14:12,148 --> 00:14:14,271
And to think you came here
all hot and bothered
247
00:14:14,273 --> 00:14:16,935
about protocols and nonsense.
248
00:14:16,937 --> 00:14:18,997
We actually thought you were serious.
249
00:14:26,405 --> 00:14:30,995
He's funny. All right, so,
back to this barbeque.
250
00:14:33,245 --> 00:14:34,995
(SONG PLAYING THROUGH RADIO)
251
00:14:36,165 --> 00:14:37,414
(GRUNTS)
252
00:14:37,416 --> 00:14:41,251
That is why you never do a seating
chart on an empty stomach.
253
00:14:41,253 --> 00:14:44,379
Golly, you're a whiz at all
this committee stuff, Dottie.
254
00:14:44,381 --> 00:14:46,953
Thank you for choosing me
to help you clean up today.
255
00:14:46,955 --> 00:14:48,633
I feel so lucky.
256
00:14:48,635 --> 00:14:50,175
You are.
257
00:14:54,782 --> 00:14:56,699
I can't help but wonder if you and I
258
00:14:56,701 --> 00:14:59,227
haven't gotten off on
the wrong foot, Dottie.
259
00:14:59,229 --> 00:15:02,731
And I would like to
correct that if I can.
260
00:15:02,733 --> 00:15:04,443
And how would you do that?
261
00:15:05,569 --> 00:15:06,569
(CHUCKLES)
262
00:15:08,030 --> 00:15:10,030
I've heard things about you.
263
00:15:12,451 --> 00:15:14,161
You and your husband.
264
00:15:15,245 --> 00:15:18,205
Well, I don't know
what you've been told,
265
00:15:20,292 --> 00:15:24,632
but I assure you I don't
mean anyone any harm.
266
00:15:26,465 --> 00:15:28,215
I don't believe you.
267
00:15:33,388 --> 00:15:37,268
MAN: (THROUGH RADIO) Wanda.
Wanda, can you read me, over?
268
00:15:38,435 --> 00:15:40,677
- Wanda?
- Who is that?
269
00:15:40,679 --> 00:15:41,889
Wanda?
270
00:15:46,276 --> 00:15:47,651
Who are you?
271
00:15:47,653 --> 00:15:50,195
Wanda?
272
00:15:50,197 --> 00:15:52,239
Wanda.
273
00:15:52,241 --> 00:15:54,908
Who is doing this to you, Wanda?
274
00:15:54,910 --> 00:15:58,500
Wanda? Wanda? Wan...
275
00:15:59,331 --> 00:16:01,251
(BOTH GASP)
276
00:16:02,835 --> 00:16:04,626
WANDA: Dottie!
277
00:16:04,628 --> 00:16:05,628
(STUTTERS)
278
00:16:07,714 --> 00:16:10,004
You... Oh!
279
00:16:11,051 --> 00:16:13,311
(SONG PLAYING THROUGH RADIO)
280
00:16:16,723 --> 00:16:18,183
Pop quiz, Wanda.
281
00:16:19,810 --> 00:16:22,850
How does a housewife get a
bloodstain out of white linen?
282
00:16:24,982 --> 00:16:26,492
By doing it herself.
283
00:16:35,075 --> 00:16:37,665
MAN: They say a man
is never fully-dressed
284
00:16:37,667 --> 00:16:40,328
without two important accessories.
285
00:16:40,330 --> 00:16:42,000
His special lady...
286
00:16:44,501 --> 00:16:46,671
and his Strücker.
287
00:16:52,217 --> 00:16:55,717
Strücker. He'll make time for you.
288
00:17:03,520 --> 00:17:05,940
- (TAP DANCING)
- (PIANO PLAYING)
289
00:17:12,736 --> 00:17:15,854
(GIGGLES) Glad I don't
have to follow this guy.
290
00:17:15,856 --> 00:17:17,866
Huh? What?
291
00:17:17,868 --> 00:17:19,993
Oh, but you're gonna be great.
292
00:17:19,995 --> 00:17:20,995
(SHUDDERING)
293
00:17:22,080 --> 00:17:23,330
What time is it now?
294
00:17:23,332 --> 00:17:25,624
Mmm, two minutes after
the last time you asked.
295
00:17:25,626 --> 00:17:26,792
(WANDA GROANING)
296
00:17:26,794 --> 00:17:28,414
I don't know where he could be.
297
00:17:32,716 --> 00:17:35,258
- Oh, is that him?
- (GASPS)
298
00:17:35,260 --> 00:17:38,595
Well, it looks like he's got
a little hitch in his giddy-up.
299
00:17:38,597 --> 00:17:39,887
Whoa!
300
00:17:44,042 --> 00:17:47,687
Wanda, my little cabbage,
you look smashing!
301
00:17:47,689 --> 00:17:49,109
- (VISION GRUNTS)
- Whoa!
302
00:17:52,653 --> 00:17:53,819
- WANDA: Vis.
- Hmm.
303
00:17:53,821 --> 00:17:55,237
- Where have you been?
- Oh.
304
00:17:55,239 --> 00:17:57,781
Uh, well, me and the boys were playing
305
00:17:57,783 --> 00:18:00,659
a rather thrilling game
of horses with shoes.
306
00:18:00,661 --> 00:18:01,910
No, that's not it.
307
00:18:01,912 --> 00:18:03,870
Shoe horses! No. (GRUNTS)
308
00:18:03,872 --> 00:18:05,831
Ah! Horse's shoes.
309
00:18:05,833 --> 00:18:10,043
Listen, something strange
happened with Dottie.
310
00:18:10,045 --> 00:18:12,474
Well, something strange happened
311
00:18:12,476 --> 00:18:15,006
before that, too. It's hard to explain.
312
00:18:15,008 --> 00:18:17,592
I was just playing with his shoes.
313
00:18:17,594 --> 00:18:19,302
What is going on?
314
00:18:19,304 --> 00:18:20,470
You are!
315
00:18:20,472 --> 00:18:21,682
Huh? (GASPS)
316
00:18:22,933 --> 00:18:25,267
I want to thank you all for coming out
317
00:18:25,269 --> 00:18:29,646
to support Westview Elementary,
"For the children".
318
00:18:29,648 --> 00:18:31,441
ALL: "For the children".
319
00:18:31,443 --> 00:18:33,233
And for our final act...
320
00:18:33,235 --> 00:18:37,237
I give you, Wanda and Vision.
321
00:18:37,239 --> 00:18:38,529
(APPLAUSE)
322
00:18:40,868 --> 00:18:41,908
(SIGHS)
323
00:18:54,715 --> 00:18:57,132
Hey! Hey! You're up, Cowboy!
324
00:18:57,134 --> 00:18:58,464
What?
325
00:18:59,470 --> 00:19:01,430
Oh! Yeah! I've to go!
326
00:19:02,389 --> 00:19:05,724
Hello, Westview! Good afternoon.
327
00:19:05,726 --> 00:19:07,066
It's so lovely to be...
328
00:19:07,068 --> 00:19:09,686
I'm so sorry. Excuse me.
329
00:19:09,688 --> 00:19:13,381
I am Glamour and this is my
delightful assistant, Illusion.
330
00:19:13,383 --> 00:19:17,273
I am Glamour and he's Illusion.
331
00:19:18,864 --> 00:19:20,447
Yeah, what she said.
332
00:19:20,449 --> 00:19:23,205
Today, we will lie to you
333
00:19:23,207 --> 00:19:26,661
and yet you will believe
our little deceptions
334
00:19:26,663 --> 00:19:28,580
because human beings are easily fooled
335
00:19:28,582 --> 00:19:30,169
due to their limited understanding
336
00:19:30,171 --> 00:19:32,709
of the inner workings of the universe.
337
00:19:32,711 --> 00:19:34,169
Flourish!
338
00:19:34,171 --> 00:19:36,296
You just do it, you don't
say it out loud, honey.
339
00:19:36,298 --> 00:19:37,506
(SCOFFS)
340
00:19:37,508 --> 00:19:41,426
And now my wife and I will delight
341
00:19:41,428 --> 00:19:44,058
in your dumbstruck little faces.
342
00:19:45,474 --> 00:19:46,724
Flourish!
343
00:19:49,186 --> 00:19:50,266
(ALL GASPING)
344
00:19:59,363 --> 00:20:01,363
(VISION STAMMERING)
345
00:20:01,365 --> 00:20:04,032
Ha! See there? He's using a rope.
346
00:20:04,034 --> 00:20:08,370
Wanda, what's... Oh, no!
Oh! No! Wanda, please!
347
00:20:08,372 --> 00:20:11,206
- Darling, let me down!
- Oh!
348
00:20:11,208 --> 00:20:15,043
- I'm feeling pukey!
- (LAUGHING)
349
00:20:15,045 --> 00:20:16,375
VISION: Ooh!
350
00:20:18,132 --> 00:20:20,173
(AUDIENCE LAUGHING AND APPLAUDING)
351
00:20:20,175 --> 00:20:21,633
Uh, what's next?
352
00:20:21,635 --> 00:20:24,985
Oh! Yeah, this is...
This is gonna be great!
353
00:20:25,848 --> 00:20:28,058
A staggering feat of strength.
354
00:20:29,434 --> 00:20:31,514
(AUDIENCE GASPING)
355
00:20:34,277 --> 00:20:37,097
- Ah?
- Illusion... Uh... Uh...
356
00:20:38,152 --> 00:20:42,904
- Illusion, Master of Enigma, allow me.
- Yeah?
357
00:20:42,906 --> 00:20:45,323
- What?
- (WANDA GRUNTS)
358
00:20:45,325 --> 00:20:47,705
- (AUDIENCE LAUGHING)
- Oh!
359
00:20:49,079 --> 00:20:52,330
Whoops! You weren't supposed
to see how we did that trick.
360
00:20:52,332 --> 00:20:54,040
(AUDIENCE LAUGHING AND APPLAUDING)
361
00:20:54,042 --> 00:20:56,877
That was my grandmother's piano.
362
00:20:56,879 --> 00:21:01,381
Oh, Sherbert! Yeah, this
is my old mate, Sherbert.
363
00:21:01,383 --> 00:21:03,674
Stand up, Sherbert.
Say hello to the crowd.
364
00:21:03,676 --> 00:21:05,344
It's Herbert, Herb.
365
00:21:05,346 --> 00:21:09,556
Pipe down, Sherbie, and
pick a card. Any card.
366
00:21:09,558 --> 00:21:12,100
Yeah, put it back in the deck.
367
00:21:12,102 --> 00:21:15,192
I'm not looking. All right. Watch this.
368
00:21:17,816 --> 00:21:18,936
Is this your card?
369
00:21:19,696 --> 00:21:21,446
Uh, no.
370
00:21:22,321 --> 00:21:23,778
I beg to differ.
371
00:21:23,780 --> 00:21:25,059
Mmm-mmm.
372
00:21:25,061 --> 00:21:28,246
Really? Is this your card?
373
00:21:28,248 --> 00:21:29,910
- Vision...
- Mmm-mmm.
374
00:21:29,912 --> 00:21:30,994
(GROANS IN ANGER)
375
00:21:30,996 --> 00:21:32,918
Is this your card? Is this your card?
376
00:21:32,920 --> 00:21:34,489
Is this your card? Is this your card?
377
00:21:34,491 --> 00:21:37,501
- Is this your card?
- Mmm-mmm.
378
00:21:37,503 --> 00:21:39,544
Argh! Is this your card?
Is this your card?
379
00:21:39,546 --> 00:21:40,638
- No. No. No. No.
- Is this your card?
380
00:21:40,640 --> 00:21:42,177
Is this your card? Is this your card?
381
00:21:42,179 --> 00:21:43,847
Is this your card? Is this your card?
382
00:21:43,849 --> 00:21:45,258
Is this your card?
383
00:21:45,260 --> 00:21:46,551
Oh, it is!
384
00:21:46,553 --> 00:21:47,719
It is what?
385
00:21:47,721 --> 00:21:49,513
It's my card.
386
00:21:49,515 --> 00:21:52,305
Well, pardon me, Herb. Have it back.
387
00:21:53,458 --> 00:21:54,875
Oh, no, you did the trick right.
388
00:21:54,877 --> 00:21:57,504
Well, of course I did the
trick right! I'm Illusion!
389
00:21:57,506 --> 00:21:59,606
Flourish!
390
00:21:59,608 --> 00:22:02,984
(AUDIENCE APPLAUDING AND LAUGHING)
391
00:22:02,986 --> 00:22:04,945
And now, for my next trick...
392
00:22:04,947 --> 00:22:07,278
Oh, goodness me.
393
00:22:07,280 --> 00:22:08,905
Who stole my hat?
394
00:22:08,907 --> 00:22:11,069
Oh! Oh, stop that rabbit!
395
00:22:11,071 --> 00:22:13,361
I gotta need to pull a hat out of it.
396
00:22:14,581 --> 00:22:17,999
Señor Scratchy's got real
star quality, don't you think?
397
00:22:18,001 --> 00:22:21,545
Maybe we leave the poor
bunny out this one, shall we?
398
00:22:21,547 --> 00:22:24,257
Well then, I will just
have to pull this hat...
399
00:22:25,551 --> 00:22:27,843
... out of myself.
400
00:22:27,845 --> 00:22:29,845
(AUDIENCE GASPING)
401
00:22:29,847 --> 00:22:31,054
Vision, no.
402
00:22:31,056 --> 00:22:32,426
I'm doin' it.
403
00:22:34,768 --> 00:22:37,269
Ah-ha!
404
00:22:37,271 --> 00:22:38,521
(CHUCKLING)
405
00:22:39,690 --> 00:22:43,320
- If only you all knew our secret.
- (VISION CHUCKLING)
406
00:22:44,278 --> 00:22:46,903
- Oh!
- (AUDIENCE LAUGHING)
407
00:22:46,905 --> 00:22:48,864
Is that how mirrors work?
408
00:22:48,866 --> 00:22:50,116
Shut up, Bev.
409
00:22:51,618 --> 00:22:56,413
And now, ladies and gentlemen,
for our grand finale.
410
00:22:56,415 --> 00:23:00,992
I bring you, The Magnet of Crysteries!
411
00:23:00,994 --> 00:23:02,452
The Cabinet of Mysteries!
412
00:23:02,454 --> 00:23:04,794
VISION: Yeah, yeah. What she said.
413
00:23:06,258 --> 00:23:08,388
I will now make my wife...
414
00:23:10,220 --> 00:23:11,430
... disappear.
415
00:23:13,557 --> 00:23:16,271
Are you sure you don't want
an audience volunteer named
416
00:23:16,273 --> 00:23:18,518
"My husband Ralph?"
417
00:23:18,520 --> 00:23:20,312
- (CHUCKLES)
- (AUDIENCE LAUGHING)
418
00:23:20,314 --> 00:23:22,434
(LAUGHING)
419
00:23:23,984 --> 00:23:25,944
No. Abracadabra!
420
00:23:28,697 --> 00:23:31,287
- Uh, sweetheart?
- Yeah?
421
00:23:32,367 --> 00:23:34,117
- Hi.
- Oh.
422
00:23:36,663 --> 00:23:38,121
What's in the box?
423
00:23:38,123 --> 00:23:41,792
What's in the box? What's in
the box? What's in the box?
424
00:23:41,794 --> 00:23:43,511
Yeah, what's in the box?
425
00:23:43,513 --> 00:23:45,962
What's in the box? What's in the box?
426
00:23:45,964 --> 00:23:49,084
What's in the box? What's in the box?
427
00:23:51,261 --> 00:23:53,101
(AUDIENCE EXCLAIMING)
428
00:23:54,556 --> 00:23:55,889
(AUDIENCE APPLAUDING)
429
00:23:55,891 --> 00:23:56,941
Oh!
430
00:23:57,935 --> 00:23:59,226
Oh, yes!
431
00:23:59,228 --> 00:24:00,308
Flourish.
432
00:24:07,653 --> 00:24:09,153
Let's get outta here.
433
00:24:09,988 --> 00:24:11,780
Sorry. I'm sorry. I'm so sorry.
434
00:24:11,782 --> 00:24:13,316
- I'm so stupid.
- Vis? Vis, it's all right.
435
00:24:13,318 --> 00:24:15,408
It's all right. It's all
right. It's all right.
436
00:24:15,410 --> 00:24:16,827
But what is going on with you?
437
00:24:16,829 --> 00:24:20,956
I have no idea. I've been
feeling weirdy all day.
438
00:24:20,958 --> 00:24:23,375
Okay. Okay. Okay.
439
00:24:23,377 --> 00:24:25,797
- (GRUNTS)
- Oh!
440
00:24:27,214 --> 00:24:28,294
(VISION GRUNTING)
441
00:24:34,930 --> 00:24:37,430
Would you look at that?
442
00:24:37,432 --> 00:24:39,683
That really gummed up
my works, didn't it?
443
00:24:39,685 --> 00:24:41,305
- WANDA: Hmm.
- (CHUCKLING)
444
00:24:42,980 --> 00:24:45,564
I'm not as funny without it, am I?
445
00:24:45,566 --> 00:24:48,316
Well, you're back to yourself
and that's all I care about.
446
00:24:48,318 --> 00:24:50,384
Now, let's get out of here before Dottie
447
00:24:50,386 --> 00:24:53,846
and the planning committee
string us up for ruining the show.
448
00:25:02,249 --> 00:25:04,879
You two, stop right there.
449
00:25:07,504 --> 00:25:08,753
(SIGHS)
450
00:25:08,755 --> 00:25:12,132
Nothing like what you
two just did up here
451
00:25:12,134 --> 00:25:15,844
has ever happened in the
history of our talent show.
452
00:25:16,972 --> 00:25:20,515
Dottie, we are so...
453
00:25:20,517 --> 00:25:21,647
Hilarious.
454
00:25:24,646 --> 00:25:28,250
That was the most hilarious
act we've ever seen.
455
00:25:28,252 --> 00:25:30,150
Wouldn't you all agree?
456
00:25:30,152 --> 00:25:31,322
Yeah.
457
00:25:33,489 --> 00:25:35,947
Oh, yes.
458
00:25:35,949 --> 00:25:37,749
You two, come on up. Come on.
459
00:25:40,370 --> 00:25:43,205
On behalf of the planning committee,
460
00:25:43,207 --> 00:25:44,498
I would like to award you
461
00:25:44,500 --> 00:25:48,585
with the inaugural Comedy
Performance of the Year.
462
00:25:48,587 --> 00:25:50,007
Oh, thank you.
463
00:25:55,511 --> 00:25:56,811
(CHUCKLING)
464
00:26:06,021 --> 00:26:07,646
- I have to ask.
- VISION: Hmm.
465
00:26:07,648 --> 00:26:10,028
One second, I'm backstage
and in the next,
466
00:26:10,030 --> 00:26:12,067
I'm in a dark cubby hole.
467
00:26:12,069 --> 00:26:13,443
How'd you do it?
468
00:26:13,445 --> 00:26:15,570
Oh, a magician never
reveals his secrets.
469
00:26:15,572 --> 00:26:17,364
He leaves that to his assistant.
470
00:26:17,366 --> 00:26:18,946
And she's not talking.
471
00:26:20,202 --> 00:26:23,122
- I had a feeling you'd say that.
- (WANDA AND GERALDINE CHUCKLING)
472
00:26:27,126 --> 00:26:28,291
"For the children!"
473
00:26:28,293 --> 00:26:30,503
AUDIENCE: "For the children!"
474
00:26:36,718 --> 00:26:38,969
You were tremendous, Glamour.
475
00:26:38,971 --> 00:26:41,601
As were you, Illusion. (CHUCKLES)
476
00:26:43,350 --> 00:26:44,516
(SIGHS IN RELIEF)
477
00:26:44,518 --> 00:26:46,935
I don't know what I
was so worried about.
478
00:26:46,937 --> 00:26:50,438
It wasn't so hard to fit in after all.
479
00:26:50,440 --> 00:26:53,441
And all we had to do was be ourselves.
480
00:26:53,443 --> 00:26:56,444
Well, with a few modifications.
481
00:26:56,446 --> 00:26:59,656
- And it was all for the children.
- For the children.
482
00:27:00,492 --> 00:27:02,962
Well, I think the children
might need some popcorn.
483
00:27:04,329 --> 00:27:05,495
Wanda.
484
00:27:05,497 --> 00:27:06,667
Hmm, what?
485
00:27:08,750 --> 00:27:09,840
(GASPS)
486
00:27:11,378 --> 00:27:14,758
Vision... Is this really happening?
487
00:27:17,885 --> 00:27:19,509
Yes, my love.
488
00:27:19,511 --> 00:27:21,303
It's really happening.
489
00:27:21,305 --> 00:27:22,595
(THUDDING)
490
00:27:23,557 --> 00:27:25,312
If it's that damn tree again,
491
00:27:25,314 --> 00:27:28,687
I am going to rip it out by the roots!
492
00:27:36,028 --> 00:27:37,658
I don't see anything.
493
00:27:49,875 --> 00:27:51,085
What is that?
494
00:27:58,592 --> 00:28:00,182
Wanda.
495
00:28:05,849 --> 00:28:07,309
(BEES BUZZING)
496
00:28:14,900 --> 00:28:16,150
No.
497
00:28:25,160 --> 00:28:29,970
Vision... Is this really happening?
498
00:28:31,375 --> 00:28:32,835
Yes, my love.
499
00:28:34,336 --> 00:28:35,966
It's really happening.
500
00:28:49,226 --> 00:28:50,226
Vision...
501
00:29:11,790 --> 00:29:12,960
(CHUCKLES SOFTLY)
502
00:29:23,635 --> 00:29:27,554
MAN: (THROUGH RADIO) Wanda?
Who's doing this to you, Wanda?
503
00:29:27,556 --> 00:29:28,696
Wanda?
504
00:33:40,086 --> 00:33:44,086
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